I got bored. When I stopped whistling whilst electricuting lawyers, I knew all the joy had gone out of it.

2. As a dominatrix you must have had some interesting clients. Care to spill the beans on some of your more exotic experiences?

From riding around the dungeon on a scaffolder dressed as a french maid to the young Japanese lad who after having his nipples skewered threw up in his gas mask. There are millions of stories that I could write a rather vile book about.

3. You write an agony aunt column on Faceparty.com. What made you decide to help the ignorant, confused and vulnerable members of this online community?

If I can hopefully stop one poor lost soul from not commiting suicide I feel my life is complete.

4. Many people say that the problem with the world is that there isn’t enough love, would you agree?

No, the problem with the world is bloody archaic licensing laws.

5. Whose you favourite Top Drunk and why?

It’s got to be Peter O’Toole. I like to model myself on his ‘Jeffry Bernard’.

6. The prospect of 24 hour drinking in the UK is causing a stir in the Houses of Parliament. Got any opinions on the matter?

Anyone would think that we want to smoke crack and rape kids. All we want, is to be able to get a decent gin at 5am.

7. When was the last time you got so drunk you puked up?

Ah, a night at the Embassy Club in Mayfair, last year. It was a tequila that went down and came straight back up again, over the valet’s knees.

8. Got any good cocktail recipes?

A Jack in the Green. Half Jack Daniels, half absinthe. After a night on these I had to be helped out of the gutter by a kindly passing Druid.

9. What’s your favourite alcoholic beverage?

When it comes to booze I’m a slag. No favourites. But nothing touches my lips that’s below 5%. That includes water.

10. Had any interesting experiences with the occult?

I appeared in a black mass on stage at the torture garden in 1998. They sacrificed Sooty over my naked body and then I was ravished by a huge Baphomet with 6 rubber tits and the biggest wanger you’ve ever seen. That was interesting.

11. What’s the best city to go out partying in and why?

Soho in London. I know all the illegal drinking dens and in China Town you can get wine up till 6am. Apart from that, any small Greek island, you can drink till death, in fact it’s openly encouraged.

12. Fancy joining forces with the cult of the drunken Prophet to do an S&M Tarot?

Interesting idea. I’ll see if I can be arsed.

13. Do you fancy joining the Cult of the Drunken Prophet?

Sure why not? As long as I can be the c#nt of the drunken prophet.