Castle Donnington, in England, has for years been synonymous with Rock Festivals. The thundering dinosaur that was Monsters of Rock has now been superseded by the high tech sounding Download Festival. I managed to secure a couple of VIP passes thanks to a cult member who works in the promotions business. So with my good friend Old Nick in tow I load the car up with beer and headed out into darkest England to find out whether now the monster was dead would Donnington still rock.

We missed the first day of the festival due to an accident involving a flamingo, a WPC, twenty four cans of best bitter and the ambassador of Turkey. It was early Sunday afternoon when Old Nick and myself finally arrived at Donnington Race track. Parking and access was made all the easier due to our VIP status and before I knew it we were propping up the bar in the VIP tent listening to a couple of cute lady DJ’s who were banging out all kinds of classic tunes. While Old Nick tried to buy the soul of a particularly inebriated member of the press I went to inspect the toilets. Now the bain of any festival is the evil entity that is the porter loo. Thankfully in the VIP area more civilized facilities were on offer so my nasal cavity was saved the stench of sun baked human faeces. I returned to the bar to find Old Nick embroiled in an arm wrestling contest with a stout female Iron Maiden fan. Sadly Nick could not over power the burley classic rock fan. So with an empty bladder, a fresh pint of lager, and an embarrassed Lord of the Under World in tow I headed off to the main stage to watch Brazilian rockers Soulfly.

Formed by former Sepultura front man Max Cavalera Soulfly are the sort of New Metal that’s heavy on the ears and laden with groove. Guitars chugged, drums thumped, and the mosh pit rocked. It was a good start to the day and made up for the fact we had missed Iggy Pop, who had performed on the main stage the previous evening. Before we knew it it was all over. Max bid the crowd farewell before Nick and myself headed off to sample the many food stalls and burger vans that littered the arena. Now festival food in general has a poor reputation. It’s over priced, over cooked, and about as good for you as asbestos. The food on offer at Download was all of the above, but hungry men need sustenance so we opted for a cheese burger with extra salad in the hope that some greenery would save us from a premature heart attack.

For a while Nick and myself wandered around playing spot the large breasted lady before stumbling into the Barfly tent. The band that were performing sounded just like every other death metal band I’ve ever heard but you had to give them top marks for effort. After a song about a zombie we headed back to the main stage to await the arrival of Dimebag Darrel and Vinnie Paul. Pantera are no more and the brothers Abbot have formed a new heavy metal band. The crowd though were not happy. Slayer had been delayed on route and would not be performing on the main stage. Instead they would be playing in the significantly smaller Snickers tent. To compliment this irritating schedule change Damageplan had an awful sound, you could hardly hear Dimebag’s guitar. I bought a couple of fresh beers to wash away the bitter taste of disappointment while Nick headed into the mosh pit to show them how its really done.

Bored with the mediocre bands now on offer we opted for the Snickers slick bowl BMX competition. Ten riders from around the world battled it out over two runs of a minute, doing all manner of crazy tricks to decide who was the finest rider. It was a fantastic spectacle and the perfect accompaniment to a pint of cold lager. By now it was clear that Download was a bigger and more varied Festival than Monsters of Rock had ever been. Feeling thoroughly cheered up by a fantastic display of BMX skill we headed back to the VIP area to drink lager and await the arrival of Slayer. Some three hours after they were due to start the Gods of Thrash finally arrived on stage. Slayer of did not disappoint playing a fifty five minute set that included songs from across their career. As the final power cords faded the crowd began the mad dash back to the main stage to watch tonight’s headlining act, Metallica.

Metallica have been called the most important band in Rock alive today. The truth of this statement is not clear. What I can be certain of though is that they are not the most punctual band on the planet. While the crowd waited for Metallica to arrive they amused themselves by throwing plastic bottles at each other. Old Nick was though not amused when a bottle full of a dubious yellow substance hit the young lady he was flirting with. He did the decent thing and threw it back the way it came while I provided him with fresh ammunition by filling up my empty lager bottle.

It was ten o’clock before Metallica arrived on stage minus motor mouth drummer Lars Ulrich. Guitarist and singer James Hetfield, announced that Lars had been taken ill and the band would play a selection of material with a host of friends in support. Drumming duties were shared by Slayer’s Dave Lombardo, Lar’s drum technician Flemming, and Joey from Slip Knot. I have to be honest those three guys could drum better than Lars Ulrich and it was a real joy to see Dave Lombardo thrash his way through the Metallica classics ‘Battery’ and ‘The Four Horsemen’.

As the much reduced Metallica set drew to a close I bought a finally pint of lager before following Nick back to the car. He had opted to drive home which meant I could make headway into the bottle of Advoca I’d stashed in the car boot. Download was a great day out but not what you’d call family entertainment. If I go next year I’ll make sure I bring my urine proof coat.